Joseph Haydn
Composer

Wheelwright Kid Goes Full Choirboy

Yo yo yo, fam, picture a teeny village called Rohrau by the Hungarian border, 'cause that's where I popped out, and I got baptized on 1 April 1732, no joke, April Fools' vibes, y'all! My pops was a wheelwright and my mama was an ex-palace cook, so we had wheels and snacks for days, but neither of 'em could read a single note, bruh, not one! At about six they shipped me off to my relative Johann Matthias Frankh, a schoolmaster in Hainburg, and boom, I was a little music sponge, soakin' it up like crazy! Then in 1740 I landed in the St. Stephen's Cathedral choir in Vienna under Georg Reutter the Younger, who taught me barely any theory, dude, stingy as heck, and around 1749 I got kicked out, ouch, savage!

Broke, Booted, and Booksmart

So there I was, a jobless teen on the streets of Vienna, and I'm like, okay, cool, I'll just teach myself, no biggie, watch me! I devoured Fux's Gradus ad Parnassum and the keyboard stuff from C. P. E. Bach like it was free pizza, homie, straight-up nerd feast! In 1752 I scored a gig as valet and accompanist for Nicola Porpora, and yeah, I was basically carryin' his bags, but he taught me the real fundamentals of composing, so that's a total steal! Then 1761 hit and I got hired as Vice-Kapellmeister for Prince Paul Anton Esterházy, and in 1766 I got bumped up to full Kapellmeister after Gregor Werner died, so yeah, big boss energy, baby!

Living in the Prince's Backyard

Listen, my whole career went down at the Esterházy court, where the prince was my boss, my landlord and my biggest fan all rolled into one, wild, right? Then in 1779 my contract got renegotiated so I could sell my music to publishers, and bam, side hustle unlocked, cha-ching, my dudes! Now check this out, the Farewell Symphony is dated 1772 on the manuscript, and the story goes that I wrote it to hint the musicians wanted to go home to their wives in Eisenstadt, lol, the ultimate group chat hint! But hold up, that tale rests on me yappin' to my biographers when I was old as dirt, so take it with a big ol' pinch of salt, fam!

The Surprise Party

Okay, so my big hits, right? In 1785 and 1786 I cooked up the Paris symphonies, and the orchestra crowds over there went absolutely bonkers, no cap! Then I jetted off to London in 1791 and 1792, and again in 1794 and 1795, with the impresario Johann Peter Salomon runnin' the show, and the Londoners were totally hyped, yo! That's where the Symphony No 94 in G major, Hob. I:94 "Surprise" came from, and trust me, this baby starts all soft and sweet, like a lullaby for a sleepy kitten, then, BAM, a giant crash smacks ya in the face! Grab some popcorn, 'cause you're gonna see folks jump in their seats, I swear, it's the funniest prank ever played with violins, chief!

Bad Marriage, Bad News

Alright, real talk time, 'cause not everything was sunshine and rainbows: in 1760 I married Maria Anna Theresia Keller, and it was an unhappy mess, bruh, zero joy! We never had kids either, so no little Haydns runnin' around, and honestly the house was colder than a freezer, yikes! Then in 1790 Prince Nikolaus died, and his successor Anton fired most of the musicians, like, dude, rude, who does that? My whole squad got scattered, my job turned into a ghost town, and I was left scratchin' my head like, yo, what now, seriously?

Old Man Still Cooking

Plot twist, fam: in 1795 Nikolaus II brought the music back and made me part-time Kapellmeister, so I got to chill and still flex, sweet deal, right? I dropped the Emperor's Hymn in 1797, the Lord Nelson Mass and the oratorio The Creation in 1798, and the oratorio The Seasons in 1801, one banger after another, ya feel me? My last big piece was the Harmoniemesse in 1802, and then I finally hung up the quill like a retired boss, mic drop, peace out! I died at home in Vienna on 31 May 1809, aged 77, right after the French bombardment of the city, and that's the sad bit, y'all, no sugarcoating it!

Papa Haydn and the Runaway Head

Folks call me the Father of the Symphony and the Father of the String Quartet, which is a pretty sweet résumé, huh, I'm blushin' over here! Mozart, who I met around 1784, dedicated his "Haydn" quartets to me, and we both joined the same Masonic lodge in 1785, so we were basically besties, no doubt! I also taught young Beethoven in Vienna, and let me tell ya, that kid was a handful, hothead city, but he turned out legendary, so I'll take the credit! And get this, craziest twist ever: after I got buried in Hundsturm cemetery, phrenologists swiped my head, no lie, and my skull only got reunited with the rest of me in 1954 at the Bergkirche in Eisenstadt, bonkers, I'm tellin' ya!

My Gift to You, Buddy

So what do I wanna hand ya, huh? A big fat grin, that's what, straight up, no strings! I want ya to toss on my music and feel that wink in every phrase, like some old dude is nudgin' your elbow and whisperin', yo, check this out, it's gonna be good! Let those surprises catch ya off guard, laugh out loud, jump out of your seat, make a scene, I don't care, go wild, ya legend! Classical music isn't some stuffy snoozefest, my friend, it's a party with powdered wigs, and you've got a front-row seat, so go on and enjoy, fam!